As a professional life coach, Franca Navarra assists people to create immediate and lasting change in any area of their lives. She helps individuals clearly define their vision, goals, and dreams and turns them into tangible results. Our readers asked Franca some of their most pressing questions about life, relationships and careers.
Q: Yet again, I’m having a really hard time sticking to my New Year’s resolutions. Year after year, I start off eager to quit smoking and lose weight, but by the time February comes around, I haven’t lost weight and I’m smoking again. Do you have any suggestions to help me get rid of my bad habits once and for all?
A: You are not alone. Ninety percent of people who set New Year’s resolutions fail to keep up with them by the second week of January.
This is because your declaration to create a better life was simply a resolution and not a goal. A resolution is a wish without commitment or purpose, hence why most people don’t follow through.
A goal, however, is a well-defined outcome with a purpose and a specific action plan on how to achieve it. Do you see the difference?
For example, resolving to quit smoking in 2020 is a great start, however, you need more substance to make this desired change last. You must have a purpose as to why you want to quit smoking and a specific action plan on how to break these deeply rooted habits. These two components will keep you focused and on track. Otherwise, you are setting yourself up for failure with delusional and wishful thinking. As you have already experienced, you cannot create a life, future, or make any changes on wishful thinking.
It’s time to design the life you want.
I highly suggest you sit down with a pen and paper and convert your New Year’s resolutions into well defined goals that are specific, measurable, and have a timeline, so you can keep track of your progress and set milestones. This is how you create lasting change, success, and make your dreams come true for 2020. Good luck!
Q: I have been with my boyfriend for a year now, and for the past three months or so, I don’t seem to be a priority to him. Some days I don’t hear from him, he doesn’t return my calls, a couple weeks go by and we don’t see each other. I am tired and frustrated of not being on his agenda. I feel like he is not into me.
A: Congratulations, Louisa! In the past year, you have realized things about yourself and discovered what you value in a relationship. You also have a better understanding of what you are and are not willing to tolerate. You’ve gained a tremendous amount of clarity and growth.
Now you are in tune with what’s important to you in your relationship, it is easier to recognize red flags, especially when your partner is emotionally and physically unavailable. Keep in mind, this is not about pointing fingers or assigning blame. Rather, it’s about understanding and honouring yourself, your desires, and most importantly, your happiness.
Understand, no one can disrespect you or determine what you feel unless you give them permission to do so. When you hold yourself accountable for your own self-worth and happiness, you can make more logical decisions about what it is you desire to experience in life.
I highly suggest you sit down with your boyfriend and have a heartfelt talk about how you feel, without placing blame. Let him know you would love to spend more time together as a couple. Take the initiative and plan a fun night out for your next date night. However, if these gestures are not welcomed by your boyfriend, you must decide if this is really what you want for yourself moving forward.
Remember, when you stay true to yourself, you create the blueprint of how you deserve to be treated by others.
FRANCA NAVARRA is a certified Master Life Coach, Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), International Best Selling Author, Trainer, Motivational Speaker, and Yoga Instructor & Reiki Practitioner.
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