By Spring Berriman |
About the Author
Spring Berriman is a Toronto-based psychotherapist and the owner of The Beach Psychotherapy, located in the Upper Beaches area. Spring has adapted her practice to offer a more holistic, organic, welcoming, understanding and all-accepting approach; she encourages talk and experiential therapy, and works individually with each of her clients to asses and address all of their needs, concerns, and any possible disorders.
What is a Psychotherapist?
A psychotherapist is a person who treats mental disorders by psychological, rather than medical, means.
Spring offers a FREE 50-minute consultation so even if you aren’t sure if a psychotherapist is the right fit for your needs, Spring is available to help you figure it out.
I was once asked, “where have you been all this time?”, my response was, “busy becoming the person I am to then bring you into my life”. This question allowed my friendship with this individual to blossom into one of the most joyous, conscious relationships I have today.
Whether you are looking to find your life partner, new friendships, reconnect, or simply strengthen existing bonds, it is important that you set your intentions and invest the time and effort required into creating a more conscious, respectful relationship.
But what exactly is a conscious relationship, you may ask? A conscious relationship is a commitment between two people, romantic or platonic, where both partners are trying to achieve the same purpose – growth.
A conscious relationship allows two people to evolve together rather than individuals, thus allowing them to grow more than they could on their own. The relationship itself becomes a focus – it is respected, nurtured, and cherished. This commitment is to co-create understanding, connection, compassion, and whichever type of love or intimacy both partners want.
It is important to know that a conscious relationship is a two-way street – you can be on a path that takes you toward conscious living, but you can’t drag anyone else along with you.
Here are some helpful tips to help you create a conscious relationship:
It is crucial to communicate openly and without judgment when entering a conscious relationship.
• Listen and be aware of your judgments
• Allow pain without an attempt to fix it
• Communicate openly and regularly
• Acknowledge you are still a mystery to yourself
• Don’t argue to wound, guilt or shame
• Commit to continual growth of the relationship and yourself
• Allow for alone time and space for each other
• Accept that life can be messy and you can’t control everything
• Allow time to work through issues and challenges
• Be open to feedback, both giving and receiving
Break Down Negative, Automatic Reactions
We all have negative, automatic reactions. Do you know that yours are? Can you openly identify them, and are you comfortable enough to let the other person know?
It’s important that you allow the other person to gently let you know when you are being reactive, especially in a negative way. Listen to your friend/partner and try to understand the impact your reaction is having on them.
Let Go of Old Expectations
Stop striving to be perfect and start understanding that you already are. No relationship is perfect, or ever truly as we envision it, but it can become the perfect relationship for you.
Don’t waste time creating self-improvement projects for your partner. Allow yourselves to stay on your own paths and meet each other where you currently are.
Be Okay with Less Than Ideal Results
The ideal results are a series of conscious relationships you develop quickly and easily, and of course, every person you encounter is conscious, just like you. But, realistically it’s not likely. Relationships end, but that doesn’t mean they fail. Sometimes an ending is just the next step. Don’t put too much stock in long-term. A friend you’ve known for under a year but feel completely connected to may be more valuable to you than that friend you have had for 15 years but don’t really know anything about.
Try Developing a Non-Romantic, Conscious Relationship First
By developing some new, meaningful relationships with those you are not romantically interested in, it can remove some of the pressure of being the perfect partner, which in-turn will allow you to relax and easily implement your knew knowledge. Your sincerity and authenticity will help you forge these new connections more easily than you think. A lot of people yearn for a kinder, healthier, joyful friendship, so there is a good possibility you will find someone who is looking, just like you are.
Often the best relationships take minimal work to maintain, but there will be some serious work to put in to get you ready for a more meaningful, deeper connection. In the end it will be worth it because both parties will feel that they are the lucky one to have found such a wonderful, understanding partner, and everyone will get back what they put in.
The synergy of co-creating a conscious relationship is why it is so desirable. It seems a bit like a miracle, because it is.
For more information or to book your FREE 50-minute consultation today, visit thebeachpsychotherapy.com or call 647.296.9235.
Stop working at being perfect and start knowing you already are. No relationship is perfect but it can be perfect for you. Don’t waste energy trying to create self-improvement projects for your partner. That’s their path. Stay on yours and meet your partner where they are.